Let me tell you something: vampires suck—pun intended.
That being said, hello! Welcome to my blog. I wanted a place
where I could goof off, share my thoughts and receive the thoughts of others—internet
is the best place to do that these days, yeah? So here I am… ripe and ready to
post the most pointless material I can come up with.
I love cheese. I don’t know how it was discovered that
fermented milk could turn into something so delicious, but I’m glad it was.
There’s a family-sized bag of Polly-O string cheese in my fridge (and no one better
touch it, ever!) along with a bar of Havarti and a pound of Land-O-Lakes American
white—thin sliced, of course. Sure, it gunks me up like mad, but it’s worth it
in the end—pun intended, HA!
Butter is my other favorite thing in this world. I am
surprised my skin has not yet turned yellow from the admittedly unhealthy
amount of butter I consume. It goes on everything. Have you ever tried a peanut
butter and butter sandwich? NO!? Try it, my friend, you’re in for a special
surprise.
Did you hear about the goat that got arrested for armed
robbery? I’m not kidding! There’s this group of vigilantes in Nigeria, right?
Well, they claim that they saw two men trying to steal a car. They ran after
them. The vigilantes say that one man got away, and that the other—can’t make
this up—used black magic to turn into a goat! The goat is currently being held
for questioning.
Back to vampires. I’ve had enough. Everyone keeps saying “ooh,
this vampire story is so original” and “that vampire story is so original.”
WRONG. Twilight? Ann Rice meets Underworld. ‘Nuff said.
Speaking of Stephanie Meyer, she’s being proclaimed this
literary genius with “such original ideas.” Yeah, right! I read The Host—this
story were parasites from space touch down on Earth and wiggle into people’s
brains, taking them over—So, like! Can we say Star Trek meets Animorphs?
You will be
assimilated.
Bahhh, bahhh. That’s me being a sheep. Go on, follow the
crowd, proclaim her a genius. I’ll be sitting on the tree stump, watching you
walk off the cliff with the rest of ‘em.
Are you pissed now? Sorry. I’m honestly not trying to be
offensive, I’m just typing what I think, and right now I’m thinking about
cheese, butter and reverse-vampires. Oh—oh! I’m also thinking about John Stamos.
Remember that guy? The Full House dude who never let anyone touch his hair? Isn’t
he, like, a Beach Boy now, or something? Whatever happened to him? I’d like to
know. He was an integral part of my childhood.
And, yeah… Don’t be annoyed that you just wasted five
minutes reading this—I told you it was about goofing off. My upcoming posts
will likely be just as stupid, so if you don’t like random giggles then I
suggest you veer away from this blog. I know that telling people to go away
probably isn’t the best marketing pitch ever, but I’d rather have that than a
bunch of Twilight flamers spamming up my comments section like they just got
back from Hateville and need somewhere to store their luggage.
